


Musings On A Moonlit Night

by afteriwake



Series: Both Here And There [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In solitude and in quiet and in escape, she thought, and while lost in her thoughts she was caught.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musings On A Moonlit Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **unwritten_icons** , who gave me the prompts “I'm caught here, one more time (from the song "Wait Another Day" by Uh huh her)” and “I hang my coat up in the first bar/there is no peace that I've found so far (From "set the fire to the third bar" by Snow Patrol),” which I kind of combined into one fic.

She did not feel welcome in his home most of the time. Not because of him, not exactly, but because of her, or rather the specter of her. She had never met Hisana. His marriage to her had been during her exile, and even when she had snuck back into Soul Society in cat form she had never seen the woman. But he had loved her, oh, he had loved her. She could tell. And she could tell just as much that he would never love her like that.

She had felt welcome in his bed, the moments when passion flared between them. But she never stayed long afterwards. A few moments to catch her breath, slow her heart rate. A few more to stretch languidly, the most feline thing she did in human form. And then she rose to get dressed while he slept. He always fell asleep afterwards, but she was fine with that. If it gave him peace, his time with her, then she didn’t need to intrude on it.

She slipped out, making sure her presence was undetectable by anyone other than him. No reminders of her were left in the house; the only reminders of a woman who had shared his bed were all of Hisana, _never_ of her. It simply was not her way.

She would go to one of the many bars frequented by the shinigami afterwards. Never to get herself drunk; to do that would be far more expensive than the small amount of money she brought with her. No, she went to socialize, to try and remember how it had been all those years ago, when she had not been living in exile, when she and Kisuke would go to a sake bar after a long practice and have drinks and watch the people there.

Nothing could bring her back to those times, of course. No, those times were shadows in the past, far distant yet far reaching. She would never give _anything_ to bring them back, but there were times she’d give her present, the times when it was confusing and hurtful. Like tonight. Like right now, minutes after she had snuck out of the Kuchiki Manor and was traveling through the perfectly planted trees in the orchard.

It was warm tonight. She did not need her orange shirt, and she had left it at home anyways because it was a beacon in the darkness, and when you were slinking in the shadows to escape without notice you dimmed all your lights, and that included highly visible clothing. She was clothed simply in clothing resembling her sleeveless and backless Onmitsukidō uniform. It was comfortable, though a little tighter than the uniform had been, and it was almost like a second skin.

Oh, she knew it would get cold soon. Soon there would be snow, and she would need to find something warmer to wear for these visits, but tonight was a pleasantly warm evening, probably the last of its kind for quite a while, and she was going to enjoy it. She would enjoy the moon bathing it’s glow on the trees, the soft whisper of the breeze as it whistled through the branches and played with the leaves. She would enjoy, and try not to think.

She was startled, then, by the hand on her shoulder. She must have let her guard down severely, she realized as she turned and looked at him, bathed in the same moonlight as her, his hair down and ornament less, the front of his robes open and showing pale chiseled skin that she knew was softer than it looked. He pulled his hand away and brought the other one up. In it was a ribbon. Her hands went to her hair, and only then did she realize she only had a band holding it in place, and that the ribbon she wrapped around the band was no longer there.

“Damn,” she said quietly, taking the ribbon., But when she touched it he grabbed her wrist with his other hand. She looked at him, and he looked back, releasing her wrist a bit and caressing it instead.

“You could stay,” he said quietly.

“No, Byakuya. I cannot.”

“Is there some place you would rather be than with me?” he asked, his voice slightly chilly but surprisingly vulnerable.

She let go of the ribbon and pulled her wrist away, and the ribbon fluttered to the earth. He looked hurt for a moment before she took her hand and caressed his cheek. “There is too much here for me to compete with,” she said quietly, a sad smile on her face. “I cannot stay here with you, not now.”

He leaned into her hand for just a moment before she pulled it away. She paused in the act, before lowering it completely. Then she knelt down and picked up the ribbon, giving it to him. “If I told you I cared for you, would that make it an easier decision to make?” he asked, looking at the ribbon.

“I know you care for me,” she said, her smile growing warmer as she willed him to look at her. When he did, it was still bright. “But you loved her. You don’t love me.”

“If you want my love, I can—“ he began, but she put a finger to his lips, stopping him.

“You can. Maybe. Eventually. But right now you can’t, and right now I won’t accept empty words.” She put both her hands around the fist holding her ribbon. “Give this back to me when you can.”

He nodded slowly, and she gave him one final smile before turning and walking away. The smile dropped as her heart ached. But inside, deep in the center, she held hope that one day he would love her as he had loved his wife. She may have to wait a long time, but probably not as long as she would have had to wait before tonight. Still, she would not look back and go back to him, no matter how much her heart ached to. She had her pride, and she would not accept false love. With Byakuya, she wanted the real thing or nothing at all. And so, she would wait.


End file.
